ANTICIPATION
BY BUCK EVINGER
I have to say that I was rather impressed with Teresa Heinz Kerry’s speech at the Democratic Party convention. I like her. She says what she thinks and screw you if you don’t like it. Of course, when you are a multi-millionaire you can do that. I like the fact that she told a reporter to shove it, as much as I like the fact that Dick Cheney told Sen. Patrick Leheay to go f**k himself.
With that being said, what I found most interesting about her speech was when she informed the party faithful and the other 3 people watching that if her husband was elected, global warming would be reversed. Cool. That makes me rest a little easier. (FYI. This past weekend the temperature at my house was a balmy 56 degrees at 8:00pm. That’s a record low for July. I guess the word is out.)
Apparently John Kerry is omnipotent and possesses god-like powers. Who knew? I’m hopeful that Kerry can put a few other things on his to do list. Here’s a start.
IF ELECTED JOHN KERRY WILL….
1. Reverse global warming.
2. Make dogs and cats like each other.
3. Reduce carbohydrates by 50%…in everything.
4. Make Viagra available in vending machines.
5. Lower gas prices.
6. Make rich people pay for what they’ve done to us…including his wife.
7. Stop grass from growing.(at least in my backyard…it’s tough to mow.)
8. Put a chicken in every pot, or for vegetarians, textured vegatable protein.
9. Fix potholes.
10. Make the sun set in the east. (This may adversely affect the tourism business in Key West but consider this….Sunset on the Jersey shore.)
Mrs. Heinz-Kerry also said her husband would finally banish the oppression of women and usher in the day “when women who have earned the right to be opinonated will be called smart and informed, just as men are.” Did I miss something? Are things that bad for women in America? Seeing as how the next Democratic contender for the presidency may very well be a woman, it looks like the cause of equal rights for women is doing just fine. And what’s that about opinionated women? Everybody has the right to be opinionated, but if your opinions are stupid and you deliver them in a ham-handed way, you also have the right to be ridiculed and called a moron. I guess what she was saying was, if I want to put on my bitch hat, you better say it looks nice.
Like I said before, I like this broad. She’s got moxy! She also has a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease. Mark my words. It won’t belong before the smart, informed and opinionated Teresa Heinz-Kerry is sent to a place where no reporter and no microphone can reach her. To bad. I think she makes this race more interesting.
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