The White Bridal Dress
There was a much married woman who walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
“Well”, replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type of dress are you looking for?”
The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”
The sales clerk didn’t know quite what to say but she finally said, “Frankly, madam, gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time-for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean?”
“Well” replied the customer, more than a little put out. “I can assure you that I am as innocent as the rest of them. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first time bride.”
“You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into a terrible fight in the limo on our way to the reception and have not spoken since. We had that wedding annulled immediately.”
“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.
“Well” said the woman, ” he was a Democrat and every night for four years he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be.”
Robert Rodine Says: September 11th, 2004 at 9:27 pm
That joke is great and was actually told by President Ronald Reagan at a GOP gathering, I believe it was.
Anonymous Liberal Says: September 21st, 2004 at 10:33 pm
i’ve got an alternate ending
“well, he was a republican and all he would do is make up stupid jokes and then when i wouldn’t laugh he would start explaining them thinking that i hadn’t understood it, when i just didnt think it was funny.”
zoot potatoe Says: September 21st, 2004 at 11:50 pm
i’ve got my own alternate ending
“well, he was a large moose capable of destroying planets the size of jupiter”
Or I could have an anti conservative one where it’s a republican sitting on the bed, and admitted he killed his first three wives with a shot gun.
Or I could make it anti nader by saing it was Ralph sitting on the bed saying what he did made no difference, while using supplies from his democrat wife
Or we could just take out the ending all together
“so, what about your third husband”
the end
Stephen Huck Says: September 23rd, 2004 at 3:51 am
I like the moose.
bob Says: October 3rd, 2004 at 2:44 pm
how about
” My third husband was Bob Dole, before he started doing Viagra ads.
Allison Says: October 26th, 2004 at 7:29 pm
“My third husband was a reservist who got shipped off to Iraq on our wedding day and got shipped home in two boxes….one for his body and one for his head.”
Jason Says: October 26th, 2004 at 10:10 pm
O shut up can’t u whiners just support your country. If you can’t you should just go live in Iraq and then say if you don’t think it needs something done to help those people. Evry one of those soldiers are volunteers, it was there disision to join not your so the least you can do is support them!
Brooks Kinch Says: October 26th, 2004 at 10:21 pm
really, the g*d*mn liberals who think that these ppl were forced into war. it is a completely volunteer military and always will be, so stop your g*d*mn complaining… if hilary clinton ever runs for prez and is elected, Im buying a gun for my own safety.
Jason Says: October 26th, 2004 at 10:30 pm
better get a couple if kerry gets elected cause the military won’t have shit!!
Allison Says: October 29th, 2004 at 1:17 am
I don’t think soldiers were forced into war, I know they voluntarily go wherever their commander-in-chief tells them. I just think it’s a shame they are risking their lives for a country that hates America. Sure those people need help, so do the people in the Sudan and a lot of other places in the world (not to mention our own country) but the Iraqis need a lot more help now that we’ve bombed the hell out of their country. And what about the oil money that was supposed to pay for their reconstruction? Why are hundreds of billions of our dollars being spent to help them instead of taking care of our own citizens? This is a war that didn’t have to happen and now it will never end.
Serbian National Says: October 29th, 2004 at 2:16 am
Didn’t have to happen? Sure, maybe not this year it didn’t, but the Middle East is like a boiling pot of hot water, its gunna overflow sooner or later and then the shit will really hit the fan. What President Bush did was stir it down a bit, make it receed, and hopefully, if a democracy is installed in Iraq and Afghanistan, the pot can be taken off the stove.
Allison Says: October 29th, 2004 at 3:05 pm
It’s a boiling pot alright, and yes, it’s gonna overflow and ther’s no stopping it really. But how do you figure Bush “stirred it down a bit” when clearly what he’s done is unite the whole Muslim world against the U.S.?! Instead of fighting each other, now they have one focused goal: to annihilate America! If Bush was really so sure Iraq was an immediate threat, he should have sent our troops over there equipped to win decisively, instead of trying to wow the world with his talk of “shock and awe”. 9-11 was shock and awe. Instead of opening a can of whoop-ass, all we’ve done is open a Pandora’s box full of terroristic repercussion that the world will never see the end of until there is no more world to terrorize. Because we can’t fight fire with fire, we don’t have the ability to stop them. It is precisely because they don’t have to play by the rules that they are able to have the upper hand. All we can do is react. Restraint and intelligent strategy and being right are the only things that could put us on top. Kerry wouldn’t have invaded a sovereign nation as a reaction to 9-11, or for any of the other reasons we’re really over there (e.g. oil, corporate interests, or to establish democracy in a nation that didn’t ask for our interference), but since we’re there and he can’t change that, he will finish the job instead of making excuses for all the mistakes that have been made. He can do that better than Bush because the world will recognize that he’s not responsible for the mess that Bush will never own up to, and so they will come to his aid to help clean it up. Bush has turned the world against us and has the hubris to arrogantly thumb his nose at those we need in our corner. We live in a global community and Bush still thinks we are a power unto ourselves. He has the audacity (or short-sightedness) to think Iraq needs us to show them how to take care of their own business, while he lets the American people get the short end of the stick in every respect. The mere fact that fully half of this country is ready to get rid of him should wake him up to the fact that there are things that are in drastic need of change, but he just blindly goes on smirking to himself and patting himself on the back and daydreams of his pages in the history books as a great world leader. In reality, “Bush” will most likely proceed “calamity” in the annals of time. And for all you Christian right wingers who support Bush because you think God favors this country because of him, do you ever wonder why the United States doesn’t appear in the book of Revelations? Elect Bush, and then pray you don’t live to find out why.
Emory Says: October 29th, 2004 at 3:32 pm
Re: “unite the whole Muslim against us.” I would say the terrorists who Bush defeated are now “united” together in the afterlife.
Republican 4 ever Says: October 29th, 2004 at 3:43 pm
Allison is sadly right. We need to understand the repercussions of our foreign policies. We must ask why extremists are united to harm america.
Do we want to live under a terrorist threats all our lives? Not me! Does attacking all regimes in the middle east help us feel safer at home? No!
These terrorists cells can be so small that even the CIA has almost no chance of stopping them..they could be muslims that have lived in the USA for years now and just started plotting an attack yesterday…and we can’t say we’ll kill them cause they don’t care…they’ll even be happy dying for their cause.
Allison Says: October 29th, 2004 at 3:44 pm
You’re right, Emory, in that the dead ones are dead. But there are MANY more live ones and there are more of US getting killed than THEM!
I’m glad you feel safe though in your mistaken belief that Bush got the bad guys, because now you won’t be so aware(what with your head in the sand and all) when they show up here and blow away your behind!
Allison Says: October 29th, 2004 at 3:54 pm
Thanks, Republican4ever. I knew there had to be some Republicans out there with something better to do than “laugh at liberals”. I’m not much of a liberal really, but I don’t like the direction this country is going. I voted democrat this year for the first time in my life! I’m afraid to trust Bush anymore. Read my comments under “you might be a liberal”.
Jason Says: November 1st, 2004 at 8:05 pm
allison you are truly one of the dumber people who comment on this site. Shock and awe we really are showing them shack and awe with all of the bombings. The terrorists are now more than ever afraid of the US because WHEN we find them we can kill them anytime with a well armed strike force or a well placed bomb. Now if Kerry gets elected and he pulls the troops out that will truly be a sour mistake. The terrorist would no longer need to be afraid of hiding from the US or getting bombed. They will be free to do as they please plan future attacks on america as they please. There is no good that can come out of leaving Iraq at this point. Sure if you want to say it was a mistake going in maybe in ur mind it was but comeone think about what will happen if we just leave before the job is done.
Also, evryone talks about all the american soldiers that have been killed but do they stop and ask how many terrorists have been captured or killed. It is a far greater number than the ammount of americans lost.
GOOOOOO BUUUUSSHHHHHHH
STOOOPPP KEEERRRRYYYYY
IN THE WORDS OF EARL PITTS: WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!
Stephen Says: January 3rd, 2005 at 7:59 pm
and Allison.. how are you allowed to call all of us “republicans out there with something better to do than “laugh at liberals” ” when a) you were once one and b) you comment on “laugh at liberals” just as much as the rest of us. on another note i feel safer now than if we didnt do anything to try to take out the terrorists because at least some of hte bigger operations are being stalled and plans that they have delayed in that they must wait for patrols (as an example in iraq for our troops), or they’ll have more trouble getting into our country through the border checks and airport security (for the homeland). Are we completly safe from terrorist attacks, no and we never will be.. but there is some degree to which we can try to cut down the numbers.. and sittin on our asses at home isnt going to do anything.