Laugh at Liberals Archive for November, 2005
JOKES ABOUT LIBERALS
I’ll know you’ll want to start filling up your catalog before Thanksgiving, so here are some bad jokes about liberals.
Q: Did you hear that Mary Mapes discovered that Santa Claus is real? She’s got the letters to prove it!
Q: What’s the difference between a puppy and a liberal?
A: Puppies stop whinning after they grow up.
Q: What do you get when you cross Bea Arther and a Raggedy Ann doll?
A: Maureen Dowd.
Q: Why do liberals and Rubix Cubes have in common?
A: The more you try to figure them out, the more confusing they get.
PARISTINE
With a nod to Joseph Farah at World Net Daily
Jacques and his frères are surely weeping
Les pauvres immigrès have caught them sleeping,
Paysans revolt, their emotions churning,
What’s that odeur? Is Paris burning?
Within the banlieues there’s no joy
Among les jeunes who are sans emplois
What, take a job? Not the way to go;
We’d rather riot, torch your Peugeot.
Ah, Mother France you took us in,
Then left us with no way to win.
We’re not ègal, not garçons blanc,
We’ve no real chance to earn a franc.
No, what we are, we’re useful fools,
For leftist dreams, just brown-skinned tools.
So the Rèpublique’s butt is in a crack,
Give your merci to Jacques Chirac.
We’ll breed you into minority,
Till only mullahs hear your plea,
And Shari’a rules throughout your land,
A Frenchman steals, he’ll lose his hand.
Your licentious lifestyle, long extolled,
Will leave your women stoned, dead cold.
But everything will turn out fine,
In the Muslim Republic of Paristine.
Russ Vaughn
MARINES GOING TO FRANCE
President Bush is may send up to 5 marines and a large dog to assist the French in quelling young Muslim rioters.
Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 angry teenagers, Mr. Bush doubts France’s ability to hold off the little threat. White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters the situation was grave. “Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now”, said McClellen.
Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 Marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 Marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. “If my wifes bridge club were available this would save the United States military a lot of time and effort.”, said Pace.
Pace originally asked for volunteers but stated he was having a hard time finding even one Marine to help those ungrateful French. However several women Marines were recruited to do the jub just prior to taking pregnancy leave saying a trip to Paris would do them some good.
President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our Marines out of there as soon
as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make
sure the Marines did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them so they would “fit in” with the indigenous population.
ELECTIONS ARE A WAKE UP CALL
The election results from New York to California demonstrate one very important thing, Democrats are ready to fight and win. For Republicans, it should be a wake up call. Next year’s national elections will be the dirtiest, nastiest and most expensive election ever.
I don’t for a second see this election as any kind of indictment of conservative ideas and values. How could it be? Every Democrat who won ran as a “reform” candidate offer no ideas other than “let’s change what Bush and Cheney are doing.” It reminds me of the scene in “Oh Brother, Where Art Though” when Govenor “Pappy” O’Daniel’s nephew suggests that they are losing the election because the opposition has a reform platform. “Maybe we should get us some of that reform, Pappy?” suggests the nephew. “How can we run as the reform candidate when we’re the incumbent you idiot?”
Democrats maintained the govenors seat in Virginia, that wasn’t much of a surprise, but John Corzine edging out Doug Forrester in New Jersey was. Forrester was a good candidate and had the support of Rudy Guliani. What he lacked was Charisma and an election machine to rival John Corzine.
Michael Bloomburg won soundly in New York, but what that’s a hollow victory for Republicans as Bloomburg is Republican in name only and not even close to being conservative.
I am not worried about conservative ideas. I am worried about our willingness to fight the fight. Liberal Democrats NEVER win on ideas. NEVER! They win by fighting the political fight. If it means sacrificing truth, decency and anything else, they’ll do it for victory. Are we Republicans ready for such a battle? I’ll never forget some advice my sister gave me. She is a bank manager now, but used to be an attorney, so she has always been consulted by her siblings on legal issues. The advice she gave was in response to a problem I had with a former partner improperly using work that I had done and calling it their own. I sent a letter to the former partner asking them to stop and his lawyer sent a letter back to me that basically said, piss off! My sisters advice was this. ” Well, they’ve taken the game to a new level and if you’re not willing to play the game on that level, you’ll lose.”
The point was that my former partner had deep pockets and was willing to use them and unless I was willing to play the same game I should just forget it. Republicans and conservatives are in the same boat for the upcoming elections. We has better be prepared to spend money and get bloody or we will lose much of what we have gained in the last 7 years.
Get ready. The storm is coming.
WHEN IT SAYS LIBBY, LIBBY, LIBBY…..
Do you remember that old commercial jingle for Libby’s canned foods? It went like this, “When it says Libby’s, Libby’s Libby’s on the lable lable lable, You will like it, like it, like it on your table, table, table….
Scooter Libby’s name in the news so much recently made me think of it. I was scanning the radio dail around news time the other day and as I punched my presets each time the name Libby was the first thing I heard. I imagine if you went to a liberal’s cocktail party you could walk by any conversation and hear the word Libby 14 times.
Personally, I love hearing newspeople, pundits and reporters saying the name “Scooter Libby”. No matter how hard they try, they just sound foolish.
ANCHOR: “So tell us John, what’s the mood at the White House?”
REPORTER: “Well Bill, since Scooter Libby was indicted, W and Tricky Dick Cheney have been discussing a possible replacement. Names on the list include Skippy, Spanky, Sleepy, Doc and Dopey.”
Secretly I’m sure liberals are livid that Karl Rove was not indicted because you can sound so serious saying his name.
ANCHOR: So John tell us what’s happening at the scene.
REPORTER: Well Bill, I’ve never scene anything like it. Someone hit the dog, then backed over it, and then hit the dog again. One can only assume it must have been, KARL ROVE!”…back to you Bill.
I think Libby’s real name is something Irving Lewis Libby, which would make his initials I.L.L. That would be appropriate, but not nearly as much fun as Scooter. I hope his name becomes iconic political language, like Robert Bork. Remember when he was nominated for the Supreme Court? He was the first judge that the Democrats really persecuted by digging up supposed dirt and making it sound like some horrible character flaw. That has become known as “borking” a nominee. In Libby’s case, when he is found not guilty his name could become synonymous with any number of procedures. I’ll use them in context so you can see what I mean.
REPORTER: “Boss, I’ve got a great story here that goes all the way to the President.”
EDITOR: “This is not another Scooter is it?”
DEMOCRATIC FUNDRAISER: “How are we going to get enough money to fund these TV commercials.”
HOWARD DEAN: “What we need is a good Libby!”
The possibilities are endless! But if I were Scooter Libby’s defense lawyer I’d take it a step further. I would announce that Lewis ” Scooter” Libby is legally changing his name by adding the words “One Bad Motor” in front of Scooter and he will, from this day forward, be known as “One Bad Motor-Scooter”. I can’t wait for the news coverage.
ANCHOR: “Tom, what’ s going on at the White House?”
REPORTER: “Well Bob, the President and the Vice President are welcoming the return on One Bad Motor-Scooter….”
