Laugh at Liberals

Punxsutawney Phil Hates Global Warming

In a stunning blow against Osama bin Ladin and Al Gore’s fight to hold the western world accountable for global warming, Punxsutawney Phil declared six more weeks of winter during his annual prognosticating festival this week. The ground hog who, to date, has been more accurate at weather forecasting than all of the climate scientists at East Anglia University, saw his shadow on the snow-covered Gobbler’s Knob. The prediction dealt yet another setback to the embattled climate change community.

The series of recent revelations about estimated data, incomplete evidence, false research and outright lies being used as the basis for the IPCC’s reporting on global warming has done only a little damage to the global warming cause. Even with record cold temperatures, snow blizzards causing event cancellations and Osama bin Ladin jumping on the global warming bandwagon, the march continues towards a world wide solution to find a way to tax people when the temperature goes up..

Then comes Punxsutawney Phil. What does his prediction reveal? LaughAtLiberals sat down with Phil for an exclusive interview.

LAL:Phil, first the obvious question. Your prediction was for 6 more weeks of winter. What makes you think winter will continue, especially in light of the facts presented by Al Gore in an Inconvenient Truth?
PHIL: Well first of all I saw my shadow. I’m not bragging, but I’ve been pretty accurate for the last 100 years. As for Al Gore’s movie, I didn’t see it so I can’t comment, but I did see G-force and those gerbil chicks are hot!
LAL:Well Phil, Inconvenient Truth used some questionable data to propose that the earth’s temperature has risen dramatically in the last century and that man is the cause of what will be a devastating climate change if we don’t do something to stop it.
PHIL: Oh yeah, that was the one with Dennis Quaid in it with the kids in the library. Yeah, it was kind of stupid if you ask me. Look, everybody in the world knows that the sun has the most impact on our climate, followed by natural forces such as volcanoes, the oceans, plants and animals. What man can do to effect world wide climate is so far down the list, its kind of arrogant to assume that you humans can change the climate that dramatically, let alone fix it.
LAL: Well what about those who point to recent data showing that the temperature is rising?
PHIL: Well, actually, it’s not.
LAL: Well what if it is?
PHIL: Yeah, but it’s not.
LAL: Well lets just pretend it is.
PHIL: You mean like those scientist at East Anglia University?
LAL: Yes, I mean No. What I’m saying is, if the temperatures here on earth were warming wouldn’t that be a bad thing?
PHIL: Not really. Look. The earth has gone through these warming and cooling cycles before. I remember I ate a science book once that had a whole chapter
devoted to the Little Ice Age. Hello. Temps change. Nothing you can do about it and in fact, it may have a positive impact, allowing for longer growing seasons, more tillable soil, the spread of plant life.
LAL: So what you’re saying is that man-made global warming is a hoax?
PHIL: No. What I’m saying is there is absolutely no evidence at all that man is the sole cause of recent changes in temperature. There is also absolutely no evidence that there is anything that man can do to have any kind of an impact on changing it.
LAL: So we should just do nothing?
PHIL: No. There is nothing wrong with building things and using things that are more environmentally friendly. That’s a good idea and groundhogs like me appreciate it. But this idea of taxing people and business and countries for the carbon they produce sounds like a scam to me. I mean, I eat grass and clover. Do I need to borrow some carbon credits?
LAL: Good point, thanks Phil.