Jokes
BEWARE THE VIRUS
IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF SARAH PALIN” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN A VIRUS.
IF YOU GET AN MAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON.
THE DEMOCRAT IN THE BALLOON
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know
where I am.’
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’
‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically
correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’
The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going.
You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,
somehow, now it’s my fault.’
OBAMA FAITH MERCHANDISE
Barack Obama’s campaign is rolling out a new line of what they call “Faith Merchandise”, novelties and clothing with slogans like, Believers for Barack. Here’s a couple more slogans he should try.
What Would Obama Do?
“I’m not Jesus, but I’m the next best thing.”
Hey since these are faith based products, can I have some and he can take it on faith that I’ll pay him for it later.
TICKET’S TO MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT AVAILABLE!
I HAVE FOUR TICKETS TO A MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT IF ANYBODY WANTS THEM.
ROBBIE KNEIVEL, SON OF THE INFAMOUS EVIL KNEIVEL IS GOING TO JUMP OVER
5000 OBAMA SUPPORTERS WITH A BULLDOZER AT TEXAS STADIUM.
SHOULD BE A GOOD TIME. LET ME KNOW
Obama Campaign Buttons
Voting Obama this election? Scott at Geckotales has put together a collection of some pretty funny Obama campaign buttons. Thanks for sharing, Scott. Enjoy.
From the site:
Here are some of America’s favorite Obama 2008 campaign bumper stickers, buttons, and slogans. These are fun no matter who you support, and the scary part is that many of them are true.
THREE THINGS TO PONDOR
THREE THINGS TO PONDER
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,” and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Hussein
Hussein
Within the darkness whence he comes
Hiding the truth he daily shuns
He with his lies of evil shame
Partakes the dark oblivion
The lies he spreads, the truth undone
Whose gold, he takes, corrupt for hire
Within the game Hussein’s begun
And in the House of Hate’s Desire
Hence comes the lies paid in gold
The loudmouth lib’rals in disgrace
Accept the lies when they are told
Hussein’s for real, they must embrace
A savior now of truth and grace
Let’s buy him robe and diadem
Giving him that White House place
There will be change, it’s not a whim
Hussein’s the man, the one we need
To this we must ourselves concede
For lib’rals love to do their greed
With taxes raised to make us plead
Hussein’s the man, the one we know
With thoughts and words he won’t mislead
There’ll be no war or hateful show
Al Qaeda’s won, prepare to bleed
HOTTEST POLITICAL BUMPER STICKER THIS YEAR!
“RUN HILLARY RUN”
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.
The Communistic Microcosm of Our Society
Thank you, sir, for letting it be known
I went out and joined it, all on my own
This communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
In basic training I learned to say comrade
And was taught that all capitalism was bad
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
After basic brainwashing I went to Monterey
Thought I had volunteered but I had no say
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
After Monterey they took my possessions
I got my ID card and had to do confessions
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
Like Stalin, my first boss was an evil dictator
I was sure we had coffee each morning together
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
I fought for the rights of my capitalist mommie
You know the one who made me a commie
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
They told me we were fighting for the free
Each time I busted one of those red chinee
For this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
Now here I sit really confused about my life
Thought I was an airman so it cuts like a knife
Working for a communistic microcosm of our society
For sure it was a problem with my sobriety
