“Where’s the beef”?
Taco Bell may be able to call Obama to help defend the lawsuit. After all, who knows more about replacing the meat with artificial ingredients and filler than Obama?
I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was minutes from drowning because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD:
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter
asked,”Can you afford fries with that?”
America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
IF STIMULUS IS SINGULAR AND STIMULI IS PLURAL THEN THIS STIMULUS BILL IS APPROPRIATELY NAMED BECAUSE IT ONLY PROVIDES ONE STIMULUS AND THAT IS TO STIMULATE THE GROWTH OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS CONTROL OVER THE PEOPLE.
IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF SARAH PALIN” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN A VIRUS.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know
where I am.’
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’
‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically
correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’
The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going.
You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,
somehow, now it’s my fault.’
Barack Obama’s campaign is rolling out a new line of what they call “Faith Merchandise”, novelties and clothing with slogans like, Believers for Barack. Here’s a couple more slogans he should try.
I HAVE FOUR TICKETS TO A MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT IF ANYBODY WANTS THEM.
ROBBIE KNEIVEL, SON OF THE INFAMOUS EVIL KNEIVEL IS GOING TO JUMP OVER
5000 OBAMA SUPPORTERS WITH A BULLDOZER AT TEXAS STADIUM.
THREE THINGS TO PONDER
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Within the darkness whence he comes
Hiding the truth he daily shuns
“RUN HILLARY RUN”
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.
Thank you, sir, for letting it be known
I went out and joined it, all on my own
This communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
He knows the truth is his alone
In all its cosmic glory shown
For lib’rals hold all truth that’s known
Of human knowledge all their own
The fruits and nuts who look for strife
They lead a horrid haunted life,
Surrounded by the lies they made
Proves the truth they’ve all betrayed.