Jokes
Taco Bell/Obama
“Where’s the beef”?
Taco Bell may be able to call Obama to help defend the lawsuit. After all, who knows more about replacing the meat with artificial ingredients and filler than Obama?
I Did My Duty
I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was minutes from drowning because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.
Along with him was an illegal Hispanic who was also on the verge of drowning because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.
If they didn’t get help, they’d surely drown.
And being a responsible citizen, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office and Homeland Security.
Did they say FREE?
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
SIGNS THE ECONOMY IS REALLY, REALLY BAD!
THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD:
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter
asked,”Can you afford fries with that?”
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
NEW OBAMA JOKES
America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
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Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
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Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
STIMULI, NO…STIMULUS, YES
IF STIMULUS IS SINGULAR AND STIMULI IS PLURAL THEN THIS STIMULUS BILL IS APPROPRIATELY NAMED BECAUSE IT ONLY PROVIDES ONE STIMULUS AND THAT IS TO STIMULATE THE GROWTH OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS CONTROL OVER THE PEOPLE.
BEWARE THE VIRUS
IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF SARAH PALIN” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN A VIRUS.
IF YOU GET AN MAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON.
THE DEMOCRAT IN THE BALLOON
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know
where I am.’
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’
‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically
correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’
The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going.
You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,
somehow, now it’s my fault.’
OBAMA FAITH MERCHANDISE
Barack Obama’s campaign is rolling out a new line of what they call “Faith Merchandise”, novelties and clothing with slogans like, Believers for Barack. Here’s a couple more slogans he should try.
What Would Obama Do?
“I’m not Jesus, but I’m the next best thing.”
Hey since these are faith based products, can I have some and he can take it on faith that I’ll pay him for it later.
TICKET’S TO MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT AVAILABLE!
I HAVE FOUR TICKETS TO A MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT IF ANYBODY WANTS THEM.
ROBBIE KNEIVEL, SON OF THE INFAMOUS EVIL KNEIVEL IS GOING TO JUMP OVER
5000 OBAMA SUPPORTERS WITH A BULLDOZER AT TEXAS STADIUM.
SHOULD BE A GOOD TIME. LET ME KNOW
Obama Campaign Buttons
Voting Obama this election? Scott at Geckotales has put together a collection of some pretty funny Obama campaign buttons. Thanks for sharing, Scott. Enjoy.
THREE THINGS TO PONDOR
THREE THINGS TO PONDER
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Hussein
Hussein
Within the darkness whence he comes
Hiding the truth he daily shuns
He with his lies of evil shame
Partakes the dark oblivion
The lies he spreads, the truth undone
Whose gold, he takes, corrupt for hire
Within the game Hussein’s begun
And in the House of Hate’s Desire
Hence comes the lies paid in gold
HOTTEST POLITICAL BUMPER STICKER THIS YEAR!
“RUN HILLARY RUN”
Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.
The Communistic Microcosm of Our Society
Thank you, sir, for letting it be known
I went out and joined it, all on my own
This communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
In basic training I learned to say comrade
And was taught that all capitalism was bad
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
After basic brainwashing I went to Monterey
Thought I had volunteered but I had no say
In this communistic microcosm of our society
Must have been a problem with my sobriety
Their Cosmic Glory
He knows the truth is his alone
In all its cosmic glory shown
For lib’rals hold all truth that’s known
Of human knowledge all their own
He wakes with truth upon his mind
A gift from Delphi aptly primed
A gaseous form from earth refined
Breathed in with open heart and mind
Dare show this truth with logic fail
He’ll quickly gasp and start to rail
About sacrilege and his holy grail
Of how lib’ral truth will prevail
Bipartisanship
The fruits and nuts who look for strife
They lead a horrid haunted life,
Surrounded by the lies they made
Proves the truth they’ve all betrayed.
The world they want but will not see;
Is built on lies, not liberty.
They talk of love and cooperatives,
While speaking hate-filled adjectives.
These lib’ral nuts are awful folk,
Ask for proof and it will provoke,
Their hate-filled rants of Hitler Bush,
And how he’s off’d a million plus.