Laugh At Liberals Weblog » Jokes

Taco Bell/Obama

zack — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 12:41:45 +0000

“Where’s the beef”?
Taco Bell may be able to call Obama to help defend the lawsuit. After all, who knows more about replacing the meat with artificial ingredients and filler than Obama?

I Did My Duty

zack — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 03:26:20 +0000

I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was minutes from drowning because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was an illegal Hispanic who was also on the verge of drowning because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn’t get help, they’d surely drown.

And being a responsible citizen, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4 p.m. and they still haven’t responded.

I’m starting to think I just wasted two stamps.

Did they say FREE?

zack — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 15:28:07 +0000

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full

of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”

They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog poop!”

Then I would say, “It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

“I used the government’s strategy of giving you some free crap, and then making you pay to get that taste out of your mouth.”

zack — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 16:57:18 +0000

Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

SIGNS THE ECONOMY IS REALLY, REALLY BAD!

Buck — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:37:31 +0000

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter
asked,”Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children’s names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madof scandal. Oh
Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy,
wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I
called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I
told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could
drive a truck.

NEW OBAMA JOKES

Buck — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:39:37 +0000

America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

________________________________

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

________________________________

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?

A: A fund raiser.

________________________________

Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The
other is for housing prisoners.

________________________________

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and
it
started to sink, who would be saved?

A: America !

________________________________

Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?

A: Bo has papers

IF IT LOOKS WALKS LIKE PORK AND TALKS LIKE PORK….

Buck — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:08:30 +0000

OBAMA DESCRIBING A FARM ANIMAL WOULD GO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. “WELL IT LIVES IN A DIRTY PEN, WALLOWING IN THE MUD. IT WILL EAT ANY KIND OF SLOP AND DOESN’T REQUIRE A LOT OF CARE. ONCE YOU SLAUGHTER THIS ANIMAL YOU CAN CUT ITS MEAT INTO STRIPS WHICH IS GREAT FOR BREAKFAST, YOU CAN GRIND IT UP AND MAKE PATTIES OUT OF IT AND THE LOIN MEAT IS GREAT FOR GRILLING….WE CALL THIS ANIMAL A STIMULUS!

STIMULI, NO…STIMULUS, YES

Buck — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:58:10 +0000

IF STIMULUS IS SINGULAR AND STIMULI IS PLURAL THEN THIS STIMULUS BILL IS APPROPRIATELY NAMED BECAUSE IT ONLY PROVIDES ONE STIMULUS AND THAT IS TO STIMULATE THE GROWTH OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS CONTROL OVER THE PEOPLE.

BEWARE THE VIRUS

Buck — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:35:15 +0000

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF SARAH PALIN” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN A VIRUS.

IF YOU GET AN MAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON.

THE DEMOCRAT IN THE BALLOON

Buck — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:23:39 +0000

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know
where I am.’
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’
‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically
correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’
The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going.
You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,
somehow, now it’s my fault.’