Laugh At Liberals Weblog » Jokes

SIGNS THE ECONOMY IS REALLY, REALLY BAD!

Buck — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:37:31 +0000

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter
asked,”Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children’s names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madof scandal. Oh
Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy,
wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I
called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I
told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could
drive a truck.

NEW OBAMA JOKES

Buck — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:39:37 +0000

America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

________________________________

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

________________________________

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?

A: A fund raiser.

________________________________

Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The
other is for housing prisoners.

________________________________

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and
it
started to sink, who would be saved?

A: America !

________________________________

Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?

A: Bo has papers

IF IT LOOKS WALKS LIKE PORK AND TALKS LIKE PORK….

Buck — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:08:30 +0000

OBAMA DESCRIBING A FARM ANIMAL WOULD GO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. “WELL IT LIVES IN A DIRTY PEN, WALLOWING IN THE MUD. IT WILL EAT ANY KIND OF SLOP AND DOESN’T REQUIRE A LOT OF CARE. ONCE YOU SLAUGHTER THIS ANIMAL YOU CAN CUT ITS MEAT INTO STRIPS WHICH IS GREAT FOR BREAKFAST, YOU CAN GRIND IT UP AND MAKE PATTIES OUT OF IT AND THE LOIN MEAT IS GREAT FOR GRILLING….WE CALL THIS ANIMAL A STIMULUS!

STIMULI, NO…STIMULUS, YES

Buck — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:58:10 +0000

IF STIMULUS IS SINGULAR AND STIMULI IS PLURAL THEN THIS STIMULUS BILL IS APPROPRIATELY NAMED BECAUSE IT ONLY PROVIDES ONE STIMULUS AND THAT IS TO STIMULATE THE GROWTH OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS CONTROL OVER THE PEOPLE.

BEWARE THE VIRUS

Buck — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:35:15 +0000

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF SARAH PALIN” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN A VIRUS.

IF YOU GET AN MAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE THAT READS “NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON” DO NOT OPEN. IT MAY CONTAIN NUDE PICS OF HILLARY CLINTON.

THE DEMOCRAT IN THE BALLOON

Buck — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:23:39 +0000

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know
where I am.’
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’
‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically
correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’
The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going.
You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,
somehow, now it’s my fault.’

OBAMA FAITH MERCHANDISE

Buck — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 11:20:14 +0000

Barack Obama’s campaign is rolling out a new line of what they call “Faith Merchandise”, novelties and clothing with slogans like, Believers for Barack. Here’s a couple more slogans he should try.

What Would Obama Do?
“I’m not Jesus, but I’m the next best thing.”

Hey since these are faith based products, can I have some and he can take it on faith that I’ll pay him for it later.

TICKET’S TO MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT AVAILABLE!

Buck — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:27:54 +0000

I HAVE FOUR TICKETS TO A MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT IF ANYBODY WANTS THEM.
ROBBIE KNEIVEL, SON OF THE INFAMOUS EVIL KNEIVEL IS GOING TO JUMP OVER
5000 OBAMA SUPPORTERS WITH A BULLDOZER AT TEXAS STADIUM.

SHOULD BE A GOOD TIME. LET ME KNOW

Obama Campaign Buttons

Emory — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 18:17:59 +0000

Voting Obama this election? Scott at Geckotales has put together a collection of some pretty funny Obama campaign buttons. Thanks for sharing, Scott. Enjoy.

From the site:

Here are some of America’s favorite Obama 2008 campaign bumper stickers, buttons, and slogans. These are fun no matter who you support, and the scary part is that many of them are true.

THREE THINGS TO PONDOR

Buck — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:52:04 +0000

THREE THINGS TO PONDER

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,” and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.